Now We Are Retired

The source of the title: Now We Are Six, by A. A. Milne. I’ve always loved that title, and of course, who doesn’t love the guy who brought us Winnie the Pooh and Piglet, too? But I digress. 

Years ago, a (slightly older) friend of mine mused aloud, “When I retire, I might not take a shower for days.” When I raised my eyebrows at him, he answered his own question, “But probably not.” 

It’s been a full year, and I’m thrilled to be retired - in fact, I absolutely love it.

Here’s a bit of a breakdown of my retired life, thus far:

Them: “You’ll get bored in about 2 weeks!”
Me: “Nope, not yet, not at all.”

Them: “Think you’ll get a job?”
Me: “Thought about it, for about 12 seconds – a little museum gift shop maybe, a little retail gig, maybe Barnes & Noble parttime. But nope. I won’t.”

Them: “You should volunteer somewhere!”
Me: “I should! But not someplace far away. Or early in the morning. Or something that involves, well…just about anything. So, nope. Not yet, anyway.”

Them: “You should travel! Go places, have fun, explore!”
Me: “Disney World? Yup, January!  Does Las Vegas count? I was there in October! How about New York City? Check: November!”

Them: “What’s the best part about being retired?”
Me: “NOT having to drive to work on that crazy 60 freeway.”

Them; “Ha ha! How do you keep track of what day it is?”
Me: “I don’t. Every day is Saturday.”

Audrey's crib quilt

Kidding aside, in the year since I retired (December 13, 2024!), I’m not bored. I’ve done stuff (creativity class, Book Club, weekly Thirsty Thursday Happy Hour, movies). I’ve written and submitted a poem (it was accepted!), restarted this blog, started (and kept up!) a bit of a journal, made some new friends. I have indeed traveled: (the aforementioned Disney World, Portland, Indiana to see family) and made arrangements for more travel in 2026 (Boston, NYC again). I made a crib quilt for my new grand-niece and I’m trying my hand at not only a plethora of crafts, but actual art – as in watercolor. I’ve reorganized my laundry/craft room, my pantry a bit, and next up is my garage.

Another newly retired friend gave some great advice: “You don’t have to work 8 hours a day,” he told me. “You just have to do One Thing a Day.” I live by that mantra now and have shared it with many people who all look at me like I’m a genius – only One Thing a Day! When I told my friend Christine that bit of brilliance, she embraced it wholeheartedly and promptly rattled off all the things she’d accomplished already that day. I reminded her, “One Thing a Day.” And by the way, laundry counts. 

What have I learned? Well, retirement (for me anyway) comes with some specific mental conditions. I suffer from a few of them:

Home-Bound ADD: Sometimes, I can’t, I just can’t here at home. I can’t concentrate; I find other things to do instead of the things I should do. Solution: “Get gone, girl!” So I take my stuff (book, iPad, journal) and head out. Often to the clubhouse here, with comfy seating, better lighting, and the occasional fellow resident who chats just long enough to satisfy my regular ADD. Sometimes to Starbucks, sometimes to a breakfast place. The hub-bub keeps me focused.

Low Grade Agoraphobia: I find myself getting mighty settled here in my little house. Go out for lunch? Nah, I have food here. Take a walk? I do, with Mille, three times a day and once by myself. Movie? What, with so much on my Shows to Binge list?!? Solution: Accept invites for lunch, sign up for classes, gather a Trivia team to complete monthly. Done, done, done.

Couch Butt-itis: My new leather couch reclines – a first for me. I’m reminded what my Mom always said about her La-Z-boy recliner: “I love sitting here, it’s like a womb.” Lord help me – it is! Solution: Get up and take Millie for another walk!

Device Disorder: Not to be confused with Couch Butt-itis, but similar. Solution: Same as above. Or better yet just put down the phone and pick up a book.

I’ll Get to It Fever: I have Retirement To-Do List, with about 20 items on it. So far, I’ve crossed off two. Solution: Using my desk calendar, I actually schedule a task each week…or I will, one of these days.

Try Something New Languor: I should actually cook more! I should ride my bike! I should learn a language! Solution: I’m getting to it.

Jonathan Groff in "Just in Time"

Fear of the Sort of Unknown: Travel by myself?!? Who came up with that cockamamie idea?? Solution. Me. I did. My laptop mouse hovered over everything for my first-ever solo trip to New York City: hotel, Broadway show tickets, flight. I hesitated for weeks, mouse finger trembling but not clicking. I had to talk myself into it, step-by-step. “I’ve stayed in this hotel before, I know exactly where it is and it’s walkable to everywhere I want to go.” Click. “It’s not like I’ve never flown solo across the country before.” Click. “I really want to see this guy in this show – and it’s walkable.” Click. “And I want to see these guys in this show.” Click.  Then I chose a couple of (walkable from the hotel) restaurants owned by two of my favorite Food Network stars (Butter from Alex Guarnaschelli and The Lambs Club from Geoffrey Zakarian) and away we go! It was one of the best trips ever (although I missed my NYC traveling companion, Christine) and I’m SO GLAD I did it!

The cast of "Art": James Corden, Bobby Cannavale, Neil Patrick Harris

I’ve been busy in my retirement; not crazy-busy, but busy enough. When I’m home, I move about my little house, rearranging this, feng shui’ing that, chatting with Millie. I wear clothes I used to only wear to work - why not? Sometimes two days in a row!

As for my shower-adjacent friend…although I don’t see him anymore, I know he’s retired; guessing he has held up his daily shower habit, as most normal people do. 

As for my own ridiculous “maybe when I retire” pronouncement: I’ve always thought, “When I retire, screw wearing purple. I’m gonna stop wearing a bra!”

Yeah…that hasn’t happened either. Yet.

(Warning: When I am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple, by Jenny Joseph. Another of my favorite titles.)